Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
