You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
