Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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