tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
