I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
