I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
