and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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