did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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