Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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