dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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