I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
