On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
