dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
