I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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