Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
