this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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