How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
