Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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