Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
