I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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