just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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