i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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