I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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