i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
