i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
