Please, let me fuck your mom
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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