She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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