me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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