You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
