We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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