you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
