Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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