My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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