i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
