Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize