Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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