just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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