Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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