don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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