listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
