apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
