yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
