The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
