know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
