how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
