i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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