hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
