I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
