Don't you send me to vm
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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