NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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