New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
