What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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