just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
