shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
