Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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