do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
