If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize