halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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