if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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