just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
