She is in my trunk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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