do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
