Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
