i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
