if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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