She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
