I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
