We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
