Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i've created a new STD.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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