She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
