oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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