I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
