hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
